We're Boring (Not Really)

Things we’re waiting on lately….

-Still waiting for our home study to be approved (this means we are officially eligible to adopt)

-When we receive our approved home study, we can file the last piece of paperwork (an immigration form,  I-800a) that we need to have a complete dossier (Dos-see-ay) that goes to China.  This form entails completing a number of steps, including a fingerprinting appointment at Homeland Security

-Most of the rest of our dossier is currently making its way through a round of notary, County Clerk, Secretary of State, and Consulate certifications before it can go to our agency to be approved, translated, and sent overseas

-After everything is approved and translated and sent to China, we get a Log In Date (LID) that means we’re officially eligible to receive a match with a child at any point in time.  We’re hoping to be logged in by the end of June.

None of the above is super exciting to most people, but it’s all important to us, because every step gets us closer to our daughter.  I've been thinking a lot about the difference between being pregnant and adopting (more on that later).  I was remembering how people ask such funny questions when you’re pregnant.  Some ask me even funnier ones now that we’re adopting--the most well-intentioned of which is “do you know anything yet?”  Meaning, of course, do we know who our daughter is.  I love this question, because the people asking it really, truly care.  They have such a beautiful curiosity.  And I want you all to know that you have my full permission to ask anything.  I've resolved to put on my thickest skin and start with an assumption that everyone is well-intentioned  in their questions.  But, when I know who she is, I will SHOUT it, you won’t even have to ask me because it will be all I talk about, I promise.  Until then, I'd love it if you would ask me all of those questions you ask pregnant ladies, like “how are you feeling,” and “are you getting excited yet” and “are you decorating her room?”…. I want to answer those ones. 

(Incidentally, YES, I am decorating…see the pic for a tiny preview of the things I’m making for Baby Sister)

The Reality of “Too Much”

I started this blog in July 2009 after learning that our sweet eight month old was going to require major neurosurgery.   I will always remember the exact moment that the reality of what was going to happen actually hit me.  It was too much.  Too much pain for my sweet baby, too much risk with such a young life, too much trust that we would have to put in an unknown person who would literally take apart and rebuild our son’s skull.   Just too much. 

There were times before this that were too much, but this was the first time I was utterly at a loss.  I had come to the end of myself.  And this is what I discovered there:  freedom.  I know, a little weird, but stay with me here. ..I was free to admit that I needed help, free to let other people pray for me and with me, free to admit to myself that I never really had control in the first place.  Don’t get me wrong, I kicked and screamed and fought and cried all the way there, but it was a beautiful gift.

After surgery, we struggled with the effects, as well as the day to day with two very active boys who are a little more than a year apart, but we were well.   That is until it all became too much, again. 

I posted just once about our “picky eater” Big Brother.  The well-intentioned comments that post received broke my heart, because what I knew deep down became even more clear-- we weren’t dealing with a behavioral issue, and we had tried everything.  An evaluation at Children’s Hospital revealed that our three year old was still drooling, couldn’t blow bubbles, and didn’t have the musculature to eat solid food.  After six months, his amazing speech therapist explained that she had done all she could.  He had the ability to eat solid food and move the food around in his mouth to the correct places.   What he didn’t have was the ability to tolerate any combination of textures.  She recommended an evaluation for sensory processing disorder, and gave me about a billion resources on where to find activities to do with him at home to help him.  After a lot of research, we realized how much his sensory issues were affecting his life.  He couldn’t tolerate tags in his clothes, or dirt on his hands, or the feel of his pants touching the top of his feet.  He talked too loudly and he became absolutely overwhelmed at least once a week in a preschool classroom full of kids.  He could not stand a change of schedule, or a transition out of a fun activity.  I thought he was perfect, but we were going to have to help him learn to navigate the world or it would forever be scary and overwhelming.  So that’s what we did.  (A story for another time, but you can find links on SPD on the side bar).

“Too much” was a gift each time.  I grew  muscles in places I didn’t know I had.  It deepened my faith in a way that I never knew was even possible.  In waiting rooms at the hospital and therapy, it showed me how my “too much” wasn’t even a fraction of what others were asked to bear.  It gave me compassion and grace. 

And then IT happened. 

I started looking at these gifts, and I saw an even greater purpose.  I saw our daughter-to-be, an orphan, who will need special care, maybe surgery, maybe therapy, and most definitely prayer and patience.  I saw how her brothers, our sons, had helped to give us the courage to say yes, to say that there would be one less orphan.    I saw how God had laid a road before us with so many twists and turns that I could never have predicted our destination.  So, we recently started down another twist, an adoption from China.  But this time, I’m excited.  I’d be crazy not to admit that I’m a little nervous too, but I think I’ve finally learned that “too much” really is a precious gift.  And I’m ready.  All in.