The Sun is Always Shining Somewhere

It’s a drizzly grey day here, the day before spring starts.  The clouds have rolled through each hour, with only a peek of a blue sky between blankets of rain.   Yet, I’m reminded in that glimpse that it is not dreary everywhere.  Beyond the clouds, the sun beams at creation, and the hope of new blooms come with each raindrop.  The sun is always shining, we just cannot always see it. 

In waiting, it’s easy to forget what is just beyond the grey.  Ironically, today, we have beautiful sunny news!  This morning, we received the last of our dossier documents (in this batch), authenticated through the consulates in Chicago and New York.  So, out of thirteen official documents we need to go to China, I just Fed-Exed eleven to our adoption agency, along with photos and copies of passports and a couple of really big checks.   They will begin a thorough review of our dossier, but it can’t be completed until they receive our last two documents.

It would seem like we should be close now, but in reality, we are still a few months away.  The next thing we need is our official copy of our homestudy report (STILL waiting on that one).  That copy will go back out to USCIS for approval with our I800a.  USCIS approval is running about 35-40 days from receipt right now, which is phenomenal if it stays that fast!  Once we get that approval, we can send our homestudy and our approval through the same Notary-County Clerk-Secretary of State-Chinese Consulate chain everything else just went through.  If everything goes smoothly, we should be logged in (LID) by the end of June.  (Yes, it could be earlier, but I’m not even going to allow myself to think that’s a possibility.)

Here’s what I’m finding beautiful right now…

Our stack of documents, copies, and photos!

The Thing About Waiting

Anyone who knows me knows that I adore my boys.  They are the cutest, the funniest, the smartest, and the most loving little people I’ve ever known.  But, they have very little patience.  As in...CAN.NOT.WAIT.  For anything.   The conversations that illustrate this usually go something like this:

Boy 1:  “Moooooom, when can we….(insert whatever little boys ask to do—eat, play, go outside, etc.)”

Mom:  “In about 10 minutes.”

Boy #1:  “Ohhhhhhh, mooooooom, that is SOOO LOOONG.”

Boy #2:  “Yeah, please, mom, please, why do we have to wait to so LOOOONG!?” 

Yeah.  Ten minutes.  Puh-lease.

Then there’s me.  A bastion of patience.   Really, I can wait forever and never get frustrated. 

HA!

That’s a lie.  Those boys are the cutest little apples that ever fell from this tree. 

To be serious, lately, I feel like the harder I try to push to get our adoption paperwork done, the more time slows down.  We have made no progress of any kind this week.  I send paperwork to government offices and couriers only to have it returned complete, but incorrect; or I get phone calls that I needed to send a different form, or a money order for a different amount.  I thought our home study was done, only to be told that it has weeks more of approval left.  And the whole time, I’m whining, “Please, why do we have to wait so LOOOOONG?!” 

Really, we haven’t waited that long.  We haven’t even begun waiting.  The hard waiting will be when we have a picture and a name and an idea of who our sweet baby girl is, and THEN have months before we can go get her.  But the thing about waiting is that it always seems hard.  Especially when there is no work to be done in the waiting, there is only waiting. 

Thankfully, there is more than waiting in our life…there are sunny days I can spend with my hubby and sweet boys, there are Legos to build, there are walls to be painted pink, there are sandcastles to be built on a warm beach (soon!), there are friends to visit--there are hundreds of blessings I don’t want to miss in the time that we wait.  Also in this wait, my hope is that I will learn to trust that our daughter is already chosen for us, she is already meant to be part of our family, with the day she meets us predestined.   Because if it is, then she knows somewhere deep in her tiny soul, that no matter how long it takes, we’re coming for her, and that we simply CANNOT WAIT!!

Meanwhile, there are pirate ships to run....

And smiles to capture...

And pancakes to be made!  

(An awesome Saturday morning tradition where Daddy cooks, and he lets his little helpers make the batter)

Pregnant On Paper and Shades of Pink

Several dear friends have said to me recently, “At least you don’t have to be pregnant.”  They know me too well.   I was not a beautiful, glowing, joyful mother-to-be with either of my pregnancies.  I was more the sluggish, crabby, throwing-up-in-other-people’s-yards-on-the-way-home-from-dinner kind of pregnant.  My body was not meant to be pregnant.  In the end, I could have easily lost either of my babies, or they could have lost me when they were each born at 35 weeks because I had HELLP Syndrome.  Twice.  Look that one up, it's ugly.  But then, here I am, and here they are.  And yes, at least we don’t have to do that again. 

Yet, as most adoptive parents do, I FEEL pregnant.  A lot of pregnancy is spent dreaming, planning, and expecting.  Dreaming about who your son or daughter will be, what the curve of her cheek will feel like, what their gifts and talents will be.  Planning a space for baby, where you want to take that baby as he grows up, and how life will change.  Expecting and anticipating the day when you will bring your child home, and those first moments and days when you will finally get to hold them.  These things do not change, no matter how you are expecting to add a child to your family. 

However, the experience of expecting is also, for me, completely different in international adoption.  I don’t “look” pregnant.  I don’t have a “due” date.  Instead of physical aches, there are mountains and mountains of paperwork, phone calls, and visits from strangers who have to agree that you and your home are “ready”.  Instead of discovering new stretch marks, there’s the discovery that no matter how hard you try, that precious paperwork sometimes gets delayed, filled out incorrectly, or delivered to the wrong place.  Instead of fear of the delivery, there’s the fear of travelling to another country for several weeks, and meeting a child who may not initially want to be with us. 

When we get home, there will still be sleepless nights, there will still be the huge task of establishing routine.  There will still be lots and lots and lots of crying, and some of it will be mine.  If you send me a pizza or make us a dinner, I will hug you, and probably cry some more. 

Until then, we will keep waddling along, our paperwork getting heavier and heavier, and our hearts growing, making room for our sweet girl. 

Meanwhile…

*Ten of our dossier documents are in NY and another is on it’s way to Chicago, at the consulates getting authenticated.  Pray they make it through the process and back to us!

*Our home study is partially finalized, but the very last step is taking a while.  We have our 1-800A all filled out and ready to FedEx as soon as we get our copy. 

*We are deciding between shades of PINK for Baby Sister’s room (yikes!) and enjoying the last few moments of snow.  Yes, I said enjoying it.  Check out our igloo!!