I Wrecked the Boat

It all started so innocently.  My kindergartener, thrilled at the idea of seeing the world, announced in the car, “When I grow up, I’m gonna have a boat and a camper so I can travel all over the world.”  In a six year old mind, it really is that simple.  You need something to drive on land and something to sail over water, and then you are all set to travel the Earth. 

 I could have given a standard “mmm, hmm” answer to this announcement, and it would have been better than what really happened.  After all, you and I both know that there’s no chance this kid is going to buy the aforementioned vehicles and set off into the sunset.  But no, I couldn’t leave it there.  I had to start in with the questions. 

“Well, buddy, how are you going to get your camper to the next continent if you travel there by boat?”

He had solutions.

“I guess I’m going to need to get a helicopter too, so it can deliver my camper.”

Ahhh.  Excellent problem solving.  But….

“Buddy, who is going to fly that helicopter while you sail your boat?”

Silence.

“Um, I guess I’ll hire a pilot.”

I see.

“Buddy, where will you get the money to hire a pilot?”

“Uh.  I’ll talk my brother into becoming a pilot and he’ll work for me for free.”

Truly a great plan.  [For future reference, this was where I went one step too far.]

“Who is going to pay for your brother to take flight lessons to become a pilot to fly a helicopter for you?”

 “Well, I guess, I was thinking you could.” 

By this time, this poor six year old had gone from happily day-dreaming of a beautiful carefree adventure to a slow and sad realization that maybe there were too many things to work out for this to be a reality.  This was not a proud moment for me.  I do like to get my kids to think through things.  I love to hear the way they solve problems.  I love to hear the way they dream things can be, and then try to direct them toward those things.  But that is not what happened here. 

I hijacked his beautiful adventure and infused it with my doubt, my roadblocks, and my insecurities.  The truth is that he probably could figure out how to get a camper and a boat and travel the world.  Would he need a few other things?  Sure.  Would he figure that out by himself by the time he got old enough to really consider any of this a possibility?  Yes.   

There is a difference between building into your kids by helping them see the bigger picture, and building self-doubt into your kids by never letting them be the “expert.”  If they have a dream, or a subject they are passionate about, let them “teach” you.

When in doubt, stop before you squash. 

Stop talking, stop asking, stop insisting you are right before you squash all of their enthusiasm, their confidence, or their ability to think for themselves.  Back to our travelling the world example, is it really as simple as a camper and a boat?  Sure it is.  Until you have to eat, which really is a self-limiting problem.  Let it be that simple, and be there for when it’s not.