First Birthdays

Let me just say, I love birthdays. Love them.  I love the idea of taking a day and celebrating someone you love.  I don’t mean the party.  If you type in “birthday party” on Pinterest, you’ll have no less than a gazillion ideas flooding your screen about creating the perfect celebration.  Although I do think that making (or buying) a cake (or cupcakes), and having some balloons can make someone feel special, that’s not really what I mean by celebrating them.  To celebrate someone is to acknowledge all that they are, the things that they’ve been through, the things we love about them, and all of the potential of who they could yet become.

When we have a first birthday party, the kids don’t really care.  They might like the cake, or just like to smear the icing.  They might be afraid of balloons.  They might think it’s fun to have lots of people around and get infinite attention, or it might all be overwhelming.  But, the idea of having that first party (that they’ll only remember through pictures), is to celebrate their first year and all that it has held—learning to sleep through the night, first smiles and giggles, first teeth, first steps, first baby pool, first foods, first time meeting family, and the list goes on.  That first year holds so much.  When we had each of our boys’ first birthday parties, we invited friends, neighbors, and family.  We put up decorations, had cake and brunch (basically a feast), and had a special shirt or bib for each one to acknowledge the day.  Our kids were flooded with gifts—books, and cars, and ride on toys.

Today, I’m grieving a little.  Our baby girl turns one today, one year to the day after we built this snowman family to announce that we were expecting her…

Today, it’s bitterly cold, and there are no balloons in our home.  No cake baking, no friends coming over, no bib with a name on it.  Most importantly, she isn’t here to celebrate.  We’ve missed her first smiles and giggles, first time sitting up, first food and possibly her first steps.  We did have a little celebration with some family over the winter holidays and let the kids and cousins open presents for Baby Sister.  We did put some candles on a cake for her.  But it isn’t the same. 

To top it off, our acceptance letter still isn’t here that says we can start immigration paperwork to bring Baby Sister home.  I have no idea when it might show up.  Right now it feels like never.  We were hoping to travel in February, thinking March was the worst case scenario, and now the end of March would be the earliest we can go. 

Next year.  Next year we’re having the biggest birthday party EVER.  It’s going to be two years worth of birthday.  There will be balloons, streamers, cake and cupcakes and probably ice cream, any and all of her favorite foods, games and music, presents to rip open, and maybe even some farm animals.  (Ok, maybe not farm animals….)  Next year, sweet girl.  Next year.  And we’ll celebrate every first you have with us.  The first smile we see in person, the first time you meet your brothers, your first plane ride, the first time you see that you share a house with a big furry doggie, your first pizza, the first time you put your arms out to be held by your Mama.  Your forever Mama.  We’ll celebrate it all.